I spent majority of the year accomplishing a lot of great things, and I was expecting it to finish on a huge high. I graduated, I went on my dream holiday, and I landed my first big girl job for a brand I love.
A really small period of time right at the end of the year threw a number of really unfortunate events my way and that was it, in a matter of weeks what had the potential to be the best year of my life transformed into the worst just like that.
The outcome? I'm terrified that I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. I'm scared that any happiness I feel is going to be short lived, and in a sense I want to get any of the potential pain that I'm aware I may experience in the future out of the way quickly so that I can stop worrying. But I've come to realise that with that thought I'm doing nothing but wishing away time. Time that is so valuable and precious and has the potential to hold great moments as well as bad.
I realised another thing about time recently, it doesn't stop when you want it to, for bad times nor good. To savour, to ponder, or to allow you to gather your thoughts, it selfishly keeps going. There was a short while when I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed for what felt like forever, but I didn't have forever, I had a couple short days then life resumed again. With that on my mind I face two paths. I can sit, wallow, and worry about life, or I can savour every little thing that makes me happy.
So, yes, I'm very, very scared of time. But I'm also much more aware of it, and the fact that it goes really, really fast. What will happen this year is out of my hands, all I can do is try my best to savour the good situations and not to fear the bad.
I feel like I'm coming across as an emotional wreck, I'm not I promise. My head is too full for me to handle at the moment so I'm finding that writing what I'm thinking is a useful way of processing what's going on, and keeping me sane. This whole blog thing is still relatively new to me, but I'm enjoying using it as an outlet to share my thoughts. If you choose to read them, thank you x